Everything is valid!!!.

I think one of the most difficult things to understand when we meet someone after a certain age is that that person does not arrive empty. He arrives with children, stories, bonds, responsibilities, affections and people who once occupied important places.

And not every bond with an ex means nostalgia, desire or a half-open door. Sometimes it means family. Sometimes friendship. Sometimes it's a shared responsibility. Sometimes just a story that ended well.

Emotional maturity is also being able to look at a situation without immediately inventing everything that could go wrong. Many times we suffer more for the movie we build in our head than for what is really happening. Of course, we have to look at the facts. Of course clarity matters. But we also have to understand something: loving someone does not give us the right to demand that they eliminate parts of their life so that we can feel safe. Security depends on there being no one else around. It's a pretty fragile security.

The real challenge of adult love is another: to understand what place each person occupies, to recognize what ours is and to decide if we can inhabit it in peace.

When a story is really closed, it doesn't matter so much who sleeps under what roof, it only matters where the heart is.

We have to talk, communicate...!! and I think it's possible. But you have to be clear with your new partner, no hiding, no white stripes, no half words..i am convinced that it can be done. No one understands how I can be an excellent friend of my ex-husband, I was married for a year, and have a good relationship with him, but if there is respect, and the only interest there is, is that the other is his best possible version, when the wounds have healed, it is totally viable and neither of the two is “confused".

The only people who get confused are other people when they project their own insecurities onto our relationship of friends. We don't have to be enlightened to reach an agreement based on respect and healthy boundaries. And there are circumstances that force us to have that emotional intelligence that not all of us develop. Anyway, everyone with their motives and their experiences.

When we are clear about who we are and how we want to lead our life, this is the result for healthy coexistence and relationships that strengthen the being. No one wakes up one morning saying: Today I'm going to stop being me.

That change starts with small things. In relationships, you start to give in here, keep quiet there, let something go that you wouldn't have accepted before, convince yourself that loving also means adapting a little more.

But one day you discover that you've been taking care of the relationship for so long, that you stopped taking care of the relationship with yourself.And I think, that's one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves: who am I getting next to this person?

Many times the best decision is to end those relationships that overshadow us and although they hurt deeply, ending them does not mean that we fail.

Finishing them means recovering our voice, friends, projects, way of laughing, your desire, your opinions and even those little things that made you feel so you…

Janitze 💐