So for several days now, I've been trying to create my next YouTube video, but I haven't been able to. Am I lazy?
For starters, I was feeling really, really weird in the beginning of the week, and I wasn't able to sleep. I felt bloated and got constipated. But it wasn’t my period (yeah, I still get them, irregularly though), and then I realized I had not taken my thyroid medication for two days. No wonder! (But that was a separate issue, I just had to get it out there in the air!)
Anyway, so I have been without my full-time job for over two months now. I was thinking in my wild mind that would be able to create all the YouTube videos that I have had in line waiting to be processed. Well, I was wrong.
I guess I have been waiting for the perfect day. You know, I wake up early, have a cup of morning tea, eat my porridge, look at the rising sun, feel refreshed, and take a walk. But, no, it hasn't been like that. I have been sleeping very late. I've been groggy all morning, and it's been at midday or 13.00 before I have have been able to go to the computer. Of c,ourse this is not nearly as early as I would have hoped to.
The way I explain my existence for the past month or the feeling that I've been having is that we were very abruptly thrown out of the project, and we were told that the project is over for our part. But at the same time, we were told that it's going to continue. So we've had a contract until February 15, but nothing has happened since the beginning of the year.
What happens now when you are laid off like this is that it creates the feeling of uncertainty. And then you actively start waiting for something to happen. And I have just been waiting for something to happen, and so far, nothing has happened. I don't exactly have jobs lining up. I kept working on my part-time job, but now it has ended as well. Just some days ago. I do need something pretty quickly! So I'm just waiting, and I feel like I can't give my thoughts to another project before I know what's going on with the previous one. It's not the lack of concentration, but it's like, I don't really know how to explain it.
The feeling of incompleteness with the previous one.
It's not like I earn money from YouTube anyway, so I should just create the video. Well, as it happens, we just got an email yesterday saying that here is your new statement of work, and we will work for the next two weeks. And that's probably the end of it, April 30.
The end result of the procrastination is that you forget to live, and you forget to do your things that you were supposed to do. Which results to you ending up skipping them. And you don't really want that. But it is also very good to be lazy at times.
But okay. Come on. Two months. That's way too long.
Ehh.. It is actually THREE MONTHS. My gosh.
On a final note, which is positive. I have been very active in the Hive during these months.
