Love can feel like a sudden fever, sometimes in control and the other, out-of-control. Often, leading towards a surprise. A simple CRUSH without any drama can control our so-rational mind, turning us into a daydreamer. We begin blushing or replaying smiles all day long.
The Power of Imagination
From childhood, we use imagination, we fantasize, we plan, create and solve problems. But, when it comes to romantic ones, it may become a double-edged sword. Stendhal, a French writer calls this “Crystallization.” When we meet or notice someone, we look for certain traits and then our almighty mind fills in the rest. It doesn’t care about facts or evidence. In everyday life, how many people we see, how many times we look at someone while scrolling and assumes that they are perfect.
The less we know a person, the more optimistic, perfect they seem. Before a deep conversation or together-time, our crush or crushes live more in our head than in reality. That’s why they seem perfect. It feels like loving the whole person, but it’s the mere idea.
The Roller Coaster
Once infatuation starts hitting, “secondary crystallization” kicks in. We start to analyze everything, every word: Did they laugh at my joke? Are they online now? How about checking their last seen? We look for signs literally everywhere. These detective like moments can become one’s habits. Once into the cycle, it’s hard to break free. In daily life, it may feel like an endless roller coaster ride.
The Needs
Stendhal and later on Freud pointed out another layer: ego and vanity. We crave for admiration to fill in the gaps. Think about a heartfelt praise from a crush, why does it make one’s happy? Maybe because it serves our fantasy of being loved. Psychoanalyst James Fisher describes how early rejection like lack of parental support or love–drives us to seek love as proof of our worth. Infatuation may feel like a basic, but sometimes, it’s a pathway to feel admired or to be acknowledged.
Philosophers
Philosophers had, have, always will debate about the value of intense affection. Stoics warns that unchecked desire disturbs our inner calm. As an example a modern day life, we juggle through work, family, social expectations, norms etc. while at the same time nursing and craving for a crush that throws off our balance.
But, Nietzsche denies this, he believes that suffering in love is a part of life's richness: even painful crushes can spark our creativity, empathy, deeper emotions and self-awareness. Isn’t it right?
Crush
Having a crush is a humanistic way, an emotional balance between longing and reasoning. It can lead to awkward moments, sleepless night or maybe positive feelings. Recognizing and working on the patterns can unlock the mystery. Crushes hurt because they mix fantasy and reality, ego and vulnerability. In our everyday world, accepting this blend can free us. A crush, just like a fever, come and goes.
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Regards 🕊
