1️⃣ Which feelings or emotions do you find most difficult to open up about, and what helps to make it easier to share?
One of the hardest things to open up to is asking for help, or anything that has to do with receiving.
I feel there is so much vulnerability that comes with it; you have to open up to get help, and I often feel like I owe them a favour for the help that was rendered.
I think I am mostly afraid of people using my vulnerability as some kind of amusement.
They would belittle you because you needed help from them, or make you go through a certain level of stress, or a constant reminder that you need them at that stage.
These are habits I personally wouldn't exhibit if the cases were reversed, making it hard for me to say I need help.
Maybe this is because they are strangers. But even to my friends who know and care about me, my brain is just wired to reject pity.
Maybe they genuinely do care, but the whole pity that comes with the help is something I hate so much.
Sometime last week, I got a power bank from a friend I genuinely wanted, but I just kept reminding myself that one day I would return the help.
Asides from that, I just feel I owe them a favour back one way or the other.
I don't know how to get myself to receive help freely.
I don't know if it is childhood trauma or a past life thing, but that thing called help, and the idea of it, stresses me out. I feel they are being too nice, and there is an after-effect to it.
My mom scolded me once about it. She said if humans can't help you, who will? We are on earth to help each other.
Although I have also met friends who didn't make showing up for me look like stress. Most times I receive the help even though I don't agree to it; they know I would never agree, and they do it regardless. I am grateful for them — the surprise packages on my birthdays, Valentine's, and any other day worth celebrating.
I now try to stay happy while receiving, and not look over my shoulder like it is some crime.
In as much as I do receive help these days, I pen them down in my heart that I would return the favour; I try to work toward that, so it wouldn't be like my friends are pouring into me more than I pour into them.
