Relationships should not suffocate us...

When a relationship turns into a cold war, when there is no more respect, no listening, no tenderness... most people run to find the culprit.

And the finger is always pointed at the other. "It's just that he changed “she's not the same anymore." But you know what? A relationship that is destroyed is not broken on one side only.

We are clear that a couple is a system, a team, a commitment of both.

What one does impacts on the other. And what the other allows or stops facing... also builds the conflict. So yes, you may have given more, or you may have put up with too much. But holding something that breaks you, for example: "for the children" is also part of the problem.

Look, that excuse of staying in bad relationships “for the children”, in my view of things, is a trap.

Why? Because children absorb the emotional state of the home as if it were the weather.

If there is a storm every day, they learn to live soaked. Do you realize that?...

You may not say anything, but your children feel everything: the cold looks, the slamming doors, the snorts of tiredness and boredom. That shapes them too. It teaches them about resignation, fear and irrational endurance.

A lot of times you say to yourself, “I'm hanging in there for them.”

But... what if they are silently asking you to stop holding on? Do you know what a child needs? A father or mother with peace of mind, not with a broken heart and dragging an eternal sadness or anger. They need YOUR EXAMPLE of emotional courage, not eternal endurance.

I totally agree. Then, we don't know because when children grow up they carry resentment and bad temper. If that's what they saw.

I will not get tired of saying that moving away from what hurts us is an act of deep self-love. If he or she does not change those behaviors that harm you, no matter how hard you try, the one who should leave is you.

The truth is that sometimes distance is not valued, that the bond should not suffocate, but be in force when needed!!

Taking care of ourselves is not taught. As children they take care of us and when we have someone we allow ourselves to take care of them, so that they feel like they took care of us...

One thing about me is that I gave people a lot of opportunities before finally cutting ties. Even if it made me look desperate, or like I was totally lost without them, what mattered most to me was that I tried.

I gave them every chance I could. I stayed patient and understanding. And even though things didn't work out, at least I know that I gave my all. There is still a lot of emotional education missing. Because we should first learn to take care of ourselves emotionally.

Janitze.🌷