Greetings everyone!
Back then, when I was just a young teen, I used to frown at divorce and divorcees a lot. I would wonder: why can't they just stay and fight through the issues together as a family? Must they end their marriage because of a problem? Don’t they know that issues are bound to happen in a home? Don’t they consider what their children will go through before going into divorce? These and many more were the questions I used to ask, filled with confusion about why husbands and wives divorced.
But when I grew older and saw the reality of life, I found out that there's more to the subject of divorce than I had initially understood. The mental health of either partner—or even both—might be at stake. One might be going through real hell to the point of surviving death on a regular basis. With this realization, I now support the divorce I once kicked against. Mehn, life is short, and nothing is worth dying for. If something (including marriage) is not working, it's better to leave it and live on than to dig and bury one's mental health while the physical body is still alive.
Now the question:
When divorce is being considered, which should come first—the mental health of the parents or the trauma the children might face?
From my own point of view, when divorce is on the table, it means the situation is already tormenting either of the partners—or both—and that should be the first consideration, before thinking about how the children will fare later. If we say the children's welfare, with respect to the trauma they may possibly face, should be considered first, what if in the process, the life of one of the parents deteriorates so badly that it leads to death even before the divorce is finalized? Wouldn’t that be a worse situation? I strongly support the idea of putting the parents first before the children.
I have seen divorced wives or husbands take good care of their children, and the children didn’t have to feel the absence of their mom or dad that much.
As far as I know, divorce officially comes with certain terms where each parent is still expected to support the growth of the children, mainly through financial means rather than personal presence. I know that the abundance of money cannot be compared to the love and care shared when both parents are together in raising their children, but money also has a strong capacity to cover some gaps and help the child or children not feel the absence of both parents too deeply.
Some weeks ago, a man was sentenced to death for killing his wife. While the marriage was ongoing, the woman had opportunities to file for divorce, but she stayed, enduring all the emotional trauma and hoping that things would get better someday. Unfortunately, she died along the way. Now, the children are left without their mom, and it's even worse for them to live with the trauma of how their mother died.
I strongly stand by this: save the first life before considering the next. Because if you try to save all at the same time, you might end up loading all.
Thanks for reading
