Often, and I say this because it has happened to me, the environment has a lot of influence. By environment I don't mean the family, which can also be the case, but the city, the country, what happens, that takes away the spirit and makes you be in a circle with no way out, for example the lack of opportunities. Is it possible to get out? Yes, but it requires a much greater effort than in other environments. Don't be so hard on yourself, I know that you will make it! Happy birthday to your mother!