The expectations of a day like this can be numbing. I distracted myself with many things until I had to go and get the news. And I was right. It was not just all in my head, it was not my ego playing tricks on me to elevate myself above the mother. Lily really has problems, and they originate in the instability of life in her early years and are triggered by any kind of instability. Nothing that can't be trained and worked out. But enought to require a lot of focused attention from our side. At least mine she has. I really hope that the mother will do her part and not antagonize me yet again. Usually, she kind of does well when it's for Lily's well being. But recently, there wasn't much care about that, either. At least in a traditional sense. For the mom, she was doing everything for Lily. Always.
It was devastating in a way, too. And relief. I have something now something legal. But I didn't want to be right. I talked to my brother about that for a long time, over lunch and coffee. And about many other things. It's good to have him around for that, while Ellie has her own set of huge problems to deal with, which affected me a lot, too. It's hard to be there for someone when oneself isn't feeling that great, either. But I tried.
Both yesterday and today I withstood the urge of having a beer in the evening. Even though I had company that drank one. But I really want to get out of drinking a beer or two as a habit, and back into enjoying it. It's a work in progress. There are better weeks, and worse weeks. Tomorrow is 2x1 on all drinks, including virgin cocktails, at a friend's bar. That's yet another test for me. The weekend is fair game for a few drinks, depending if I'm with Lily or not.
Sorry, no happy things from today. Not really. It's been rainy all day, and I didn't take pictures I think. But I did walk quite a bit. And that's something. Have a good night!
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