I had a best friend a long time ago who died in an accident. It was quite viral at the time because the family blamed the bus driver, and the bus driver blamed my friend, so there was an ongoing dispute for a while.
What still bothers me is this: at that time, I was working as a manager at a seafood restaurant. My best friend was the Western chef there. I had a fight with the owner because he would often get drunk and become disrespectful to all the staff. I didn’t like it, so I told him off and asked him not to bring his personal problems into the restaurant because my team and I had worked very hard to make the restaurant profitable. But he was also disrespectful to me, so I told him, “If you think you’re better, then you handle the restaurant. I’m going home and I’m not coming back.” Then I left.
I was jobless at the time. I didn’t work for about a month, and I spent a lot of time meeting my best friend every day. He always said he respected me, and so did the other staff, because no one had ever stood up for them or dared to tell the boss the truth. I don’t even know why I did it. The money was good and everything, but I was young, and whenever I saw something wrong, I couldn’t stay silent.
During that month, I was with my friend almost every night just talking about life. I don’t know why I still blame myself for what happened to him. I know logically it’s not my fault, but I keep thinking that if I had been stronger emotionally, I could have helped him get home safely.
He called me one night, but I didn’t pick up because I was feeling down and didn’t want to talk to anyone. And that same night, he had the accident. I tried calling him for three days, but he didn’t answer, so I thought he was just angry with me. Then his father called me, and the restaurant contacted me to tell me he had passed away.
I keep wondering: if I had picked up that call, even while I was feeling low, maybe he would have asked me to send him home because he was drunk or something. Maybe I could have helped him. Then the bus might have passed him by, and the accident might not have happened. That’s how my mind keeps replaying it.
It’s been more than 10 years, but it still stays in my head. I keep thinking it was my fault. The worst part is, I can’t even clearly remember his face anymore.
Written by me, grammar fixed by grok Ai, picture made with grok Ai.