Yesterday evening, I couldn’t write because life seemed to happen in a way that demanded all of me.
My cousin texted me and said she wanted to end her life. At first, it didn’t feel real. But then she called, and I heard the exhaustion, fear and helplessness in her voice then I understood she wasn’t just messing around. She was crying, saying she was tired of everything going on around her.
So she runs this thrift business, but for months, sales have been slow. On top of that, she’s in debt. And recently, one of the people she owes started threatening her, saying he would get her arrested if she didn’t pay up. And here, that threat is not empty. We live in a system where things don’t always work the way they should, where power can be misused, and fear can be bought.
To make it worse, it seemed like everything came crashing down at once as all the people she’d owed came asking for their money at the same time. There were no sales, which meant no solution in sight. She was overwhelmed and in that moment, she felt like ending it all was the only escape.
I didn’t think twice when I left my house immediately and went to hers. It was a thirty minute drive down there but I made sure I stayed on the phone with her, knowing very well that dark thoughts grow louder in isolation. I wasn’t going to let her face that alone.
When I got there, my heart dropped. This girl was holding a knife. I moved quickly, took the knife from her, and held her tightly, my eyes gleaming with tears.
I didn’t have the perfect words or a speech prepared. But, I remembered those small reminders that tell me not to give up on myself and I spoke from that place. I told her this isn’t the end. She’s only 19 and there’s no way in the entire universe her story could end here, not over something like that, painful as it is, is still just a phase.
I told her there is more ahead. More life, more progress, more beauty. She softened into me and sobbed. We talked and cried. And eventually, made sure we took a small step toward easing the pressure. So I helped her send money to the person who was threatening her the most, just to calm that immediate storm.
I know it didn’t fix everything but at least, it helped her breathe again and that fixed my heart and fear.
Now that experience has stayed with me. I haven’t been able to get over it. It still makes me shudder.
This experience made me realize how fragile we can feel when life piles up all at once and how easy it is to believe there’s no way out when you’re standing in the middle of the storm. But also, how important it is to show up for people even if it means just being presently available, nothing else.
Suicide is not an option.
Life comes in phases. Heavy, overwhelming, and impossible to carry. But they pass. They always do. On the other side of those difficult seasons, I am a believer that there is something fluffy waiting. Might not be immediately but eventually.
So if you ever find yourself, or someone you love, in that dark place, hold on, reach out, speak to them and listen too. Sometimes, all it takes is one moment for someone, to choose life again.
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