There is no end. Ever. Every time I reach the next stage, it's like the dust of the fight to get there settles and there's another platform above me. Another me. An even better version of me. And I had thought that I finally reached it, that I could relax now, just me amazing and done with that whole spiritual search towards the becoming the essence of "good".
Buckle up.
There's more to come, there always is, and there always will be. Theoretically, yes, there is an end. At one point I must be content with everything I have achieved with self-reflection and ethical improvement and just be. But not in a life time. Not a Buddha, not yet, most likely not ever.
It's a shame.
I'd be a great Buddha. The best, ever. But seriously, there's always something else to achieve. Yet, it's not everything. The most important part is what I already have achieved, how I have improved, becoming more coherent. I've understood so much of the world by now, so much about how humans are and why, and yet I still get up in the morning. I still believe that there are the good ones out there, for who it's worth standing up.
Me against the 99%.
That's how it feels like, from time to time, exaggerating veeeeery slightly. A hero stands up for what he deems good and right. No. For what the spectator deems good and right. One human's hero is another human's bane of the world. A true hero stands up for what they believe in, coherently, truly. Not because of fame among the the cheerleaders, but for themselves.
Until they fail.
Not even that. I fail, I get up again. Every time I get up again, I'm my own hero. Every time that I compare myself to who I was a day, a month, a year, a decade before, I don't only see the progress, not only know it's there, logically, but I feel it.
Pride.
Not that senseless clinging to whatever could hold me while I constantly fail, that diaphanous shield of an ego unwilling to change, but what becomes from incessantly questioning the status quo, building self-esteem from what is there, not what is pretended.
Reality.
Not pretentious. Reminds me of that scene in Shrek 3 with Prince Charming riding the horse. It's easy to pretend to be a hero, and it's even easier to believe it oneself. Especially when it comes to personal progress, to changes of behavior. There are so many traps.
How many times did I fall for them!
Still do. With time more clearness arises, experience through failure alerts of the traps, and awareness rises while learning to take other perspectives. Including the one of the past-me. And the one of future-me. Where I could go, if I dared.
I do dare.
I hope that in the future it will still be like that. That I can take the perspective of a past-me and see my present-me as a hero. Life won't become less difficult, there's always another rock that it can throw at me, seemingly playing catch, with a after taste of "What if it really wants to hurt me?" when the rock hits the glove at hyper speed, leaving yet another bruise. If I can catch it that is. I need that possibility of becoming better, something to aspire to.
Each rock is an opportunity to be my own hero.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
Be your own hero: What does this mean to you and why?
Thank you for reading!