RE: What Burdens We Bear | LMAC FreeStyle Collage No. 151

You bend over backwards to please

Years ago I was hired to teach in a school that was designed exclusively for psychiatric patients. The principal of that school spotted in me immediately the one quality he was looking for: I like to help.

Why? Why do I? Over the years I've had to examine my motivation. Do I want to please? Am I looking for that reward, no matter how discrete, that comes when people are pleased, and maybe even grateful? That can be a drug, and it can be profoundly unsatisfying.

I've worked hard to keep my 'helping' in line. Help because it pleases me. Better if the person on the other end doesn't even know about. Help because it is the only thing to do, because not helping is unacceptable.

It's a fine line to walk. Helping is the most wonderful thing. It's best when the recipient knows nothing, and you have the quiet awareness that somehow you've made a tiny dent in the the really horrible things that go on in the world. I think many of us feel powerless in the face of all the suffering. So, we do our little bit to 'help'.

Sometimes you have to bend over backwards...that is, go the extra mile. When that happens it has to be because you see a need and want to feel it. That's it. A kind of ethic, a way of being.

Great collage. Great issue. Very, very relevant to many people. Look at how wordy I became in response :))

You know @agmoore, the key is as you say:

"I've worked hard to keep my 'helping' in line."

Not doing so will overextend yourself. Our society was built on the premise of "helping each other". Also, the Bible commands us to do so. The reward is sometimes seen and unseen. Appreciated and unappreciated. Satisfying and unsatisfying.

Whatever the reason people extend themselves to assist others, whether financial or just lending an ear to vent, there comes a time when self-preservation must kick in and protect our own interest for the sake of our well-being. Examining why we allow our willingness to help get out of control is personal for each individual.

For me, growing up in an environment society deemed "poor", neighbor helping neighbor was essential for survival. We didn't think twice; we just forged ahead. The environment taught me and my siblings that no matter who you are or where you fall on society's rung of the ladder, there will always be a need to help others. The key is allowing others to take advantage of your kindness. That's when burn-out occurs when we continue to help. Doing so without the other person's knowledge is the best kind.

I appreciate your visit and awesome insight as I always have a take away from your experiences. Take care and have a good rest of your weekend.

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